When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize