I think I am morally bankrupt
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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