Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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