Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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