u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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