Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
