Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
