You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
