Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize