I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
