Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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