i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
