Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
