please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
