If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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