I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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