having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
