dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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