I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
