I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
