It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
