I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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