i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize