so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
