i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
