May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
