I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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