If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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