remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
