I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
