I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
please come you make the beer taste better
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
