My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
