Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
