But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
