maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
