Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My bed smells like the plague
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
