I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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