I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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