She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
