so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
