considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
