In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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