i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
