you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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