i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
