why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
