plz talk dirty to me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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