While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
