the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
