he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize