i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
