When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
