he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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