Your face is a jimmy john
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
