I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
not ubering you a puppy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
