this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
