So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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