u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
