wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize