not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i came on her dog
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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