She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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