so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
