A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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