i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
