I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
