Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
