I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
