You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize