my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
