My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk is not a location!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
