i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
