I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize