I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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