You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will be naked everywhere
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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