I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize