After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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