I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize