idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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