This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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