i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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