Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
