I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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