Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
