I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
