you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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