i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
