Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
