Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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