i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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