A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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