Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
