Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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