I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
