Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
