i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
