i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
