community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
