well I can't set my house on fire every night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
