At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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