I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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