Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
