I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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