He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
