i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
