I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
