Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
