the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im holly from the hills drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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