im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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