apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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