Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
