I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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